Popping in as an essential employee

February 8th, my entire life changed.  Every single second of my day for 12 years was filled with my best friend and soul mate, my dog Cooper.  On February 8th, I needed to make the decision to let him go.

While I know his energy and spirit would be nowhere else other than with me - it's been enormously difficult for me to not have him physically here.

Every single second of my day truly changed on that day.

And now stepping into COVID-19 and everything that has come with it - it's bizarre that this has changed nearly no aspects of my day-to-day life.

I am an essential employee - so I am required to be at work.  Have I limited my interactions with others here in the office - absolutely!  But not having Cooper here in my office with me had already dramatically changed how many stopped in. 

After having lost Cooper physically, I had already stepped into a cocoon of sorts.  I have been doing my best to be authentic with myself, my needs and my energy - and to allow myself to feel what I'm feeling.  I've been embarking on this with Gwendolyn, my cat, who physically lost her big brother and best friend.

So while I've added my bonus Grandfather's groceries to my list - as well as any necessities he needs as they pop up, and increased my anxiety levels over those that can't afford to be sick (the aforementioned is 85, my Father is immunocompromised, and my brother is an EMT on the front lines!) - realistically my routine day-to-day has marched on.

I know many people's lives have changed significantly surrounded COVID-19, and I'm not in any way attempting to not acknowledge that - I see you and thank you for quarantining yourselves!  It means a lot to those of us required to still be out.