Pony Day!

Today I get to visit Veronica. For one glorious hour, I can graze her in the back meadow. Mike called yesterday and with even better news - he told me he put his foot down and worked out a plan for people to visit their horses safely without being sneaky about it. I will be able to go every day Simon is able to take me - he has been witness to my daily grief and sadness, so I think it will be almost every day.

I have a container with chopped apple slices, carrots, and peppermints already packed. I can't wait to rebuild trust and friendship with my girl.

Soulmates

The souls we connect to in our lives. Boris, my cat, was one of my soulmates in this life. I went to pick out a kitten from a litter and he ran ahead of his seven siblings and climbed my leg. Done. He picked me. Every cat has a unique personality. Boris was a clown. He was goofy, loveable, sweet, and funny. He slept every night right on my chest. He knew our footsteps and the sound of Simon's car and would trot down the sidewalk by our side. 

I started to notice that he was having difficulty jumping up on his little bench or the bed. I mentioned it to Simon who said he was just a clutz, true but this was different. Maybe because I grew up on a small farm my intuition about animals is sharper, but I knew something wasn't right. A short time later, from one day to the next he was really off and looked different - grey and drawn. We brought him to Angel Memorial and they did an MRI and found a massive tumor in his intestines. The Cancer was too far advanced to treat and would not extend his life for very long or in a joyful way for him. Worst day of our lives, we had to let him go - in our arms the whole way.

He is always with me - time doesn't change the love I have for him. Some people get frustrated and annoyed about our depth of feelings for this cat - "just a cat" came out of someone I used to work with. This cat was one of my greatest loves of my life. A pure, uncomplicated love.

Yesterday I decided to try to paint him - I put the little painting next to my bed and when I woke up today it was a little bit having him back. The eyes were his. 

Miss and love you, Boris forever and ever.

Mediocrity Rules

Maggie

The first rule of Pony Club

...is we don't talk about Pony Club... After my forlorn post about missing Veronica, I took a good friend's advice and called our trainer. I didn't ask about visiting - I simply said I wanted to connect to some part of her life and called to say hi. I think this approach helped the cause because an hour later Mike called to say he had come up with a scheme for his clients to see their horses. The land behind the barn is part of the Greenbelt public conservation land, and open to anyone. If he happened to be riding Veronica out there at the same time I happened to be walking through the field... you get the gist. It is something! I will probably "happen" to have a pocket full of peppermints, too...

It turns out one of their stall muckers has COVID (he's okay so far) - I think it has spooked the owners and they can't risk having people come out. I get it.

Today I am painting a portrait of a beautiful mare, Maggie. She was magnificent and much loved by a wonderful family. She had a tragic accident - she lept into the air and broke her leg when she landed. The heartbreak for this family has been profound. I am so honored to be creating a vision of Maggie and their love for her. I am shedding some tears, but I hope the sadness will fuel the beauty of the work.

Maggie and Taylor

Please

I miss my friend. It is going on 5 months that we have been separated. I thought I was doing the best thing for her to send her South for the winter with our trainer. I worried with my demanding job and bad weather I wouldn't be able to get to her. Turns out sending your horse South with your trainer is for rich people who can also go South for the winter and still see your horse. For me, I have woken up from dreams about her with tears in my eyes almost every day. 

She's back - they arrived almost two weeks ago, but with the quarantine, no one is allowed to visit. Our trainer indicated they were trying to sort out a way to allow visits, but every day there is no news. Nothing. No pictures, no updates, just radio silence. I have had panic attacks, long silent stares at the ceiling, crying multiple times a day. This is traumatic. I know she is okay, but the thing I value the most is our relationship. Ten years I have given this animal love and attention and now she doesn't think I'll ever come back. It breaks my heart that this doted on animal has a vacuum of the person who promised her she would always be taken care of and loved. 

Most horse professionals scoff at the notion horses feel this level of connection to us, but I disagree - they are just not paying attention. 

I want to find a place to keep her close, with other horses, with a field and a natural life. I don't care if I never ride her again - I just want her back.

Please let me see her.

Loving your work

When I finish something I've been working on - a painting, freestyle, website - whatever it might be. I often sit back, smile and declare "I love this". Simon chides me "you're not supposed to love your own work, Deborah". I have thought this through and disagree. I understand the pursuit of excellence and perfection but also feel okay with work being completed, or a work in progress. Part of creating for me is love - I know when a painting is finished when I feel a little giggle bubbling up.

I'm excited the website I built for Sue is finally live - suemurad.com

Sue and I were bandmates in U.V. Protection - I was aware of her other work but had no idea the scope of it. I feel like I got to know Sue in a more complete way through creating this website. Her old website didn't have a logical way to navigate the content - I feel proud of this work to be able to present over 25 years of work in an organized, logical, yet still visually appealing way. If you ever wondered what being a life-long working artist involves, look no further than Sue. Many people who pursue art as their vocation are financially independent - Sue works tirelessly to earn grants and freelance work to support herself. Huge respect.

I'm working on the now seven dog portraits. Two came out great, but I'm struggling with the pug and getting the face right. Not loving that one yet! This is Bruce - a little portrait I do love.